ACK MONDAY ACK

Okay there internet, this is as close to a real blog post that I have yet made. Everyone knows that I sleep from about three to eleven. That is the way my body works. I get the most work done from nine or ten at night to two or so. Today, though, horror of horrors! My eyes snapped open to a total BrightMare world, where people got on their way to work and were awake when you are supposed to be awake. This has caused all types of trouble.

First off, how in the hell am I supposed to justify eating three tuna sandwiches for breakfast if I am doing it at regular breakfast time? That's ridiculous! I don't want to be some guy who eats fish sandwiches for breakfast. From there it is one step to finding the socks I had on yesterday and thinking "Why not? They aren't that dirty or stretched out." Before you know it I am eating raw bacon right out of the package and laughing at Fran Drescher. I don't want that to be me, internet.

Secondly, I interface better with people when I get up at my usual time. When I am well-rested and starting my day, everyone else is going in to the lunch-time slide, where their every thought and action is dulled by a vicious combo of hunger and the onset of severe boredom. If I should be, say, shopping for building materials at a local home-improvement warehouse, most employees I approach will simply take me to the 3/4" wall brackets, without inquiring about what my project is or why I need galvanized parts. Sometimes I do not feel like mentioning these things. Then again, if I am feeling jovial, I can drop charisma all over the joint. As long as you aren't too crazy about it, a little humor can make that last hour before someone's break just totally fly by. When they are eating a meal at home, they might think of me and the joke I made about PVC glue. These are important reasons to wake up four hours later than almost everyone else.

There is also the feeling which crops up around three PM that your head is filled with greasy rags and that your eyelids have hair on the inside of them but I think everyone gets this at some point during the day.

I thought that me and sleep had an uneasy truce worked out, but apparently that slick bastard is one step ahead of me, yet again. People from both sides of my family are able to just drop off when they so choose. I am jealous of this fact. My body is not built for sleep. This 3-11 scheme usually works, but today it let me down. What the hell, body. What in the hell.

I think my body knows that my brain is dealing with some stupid bullshit right now, and is pulling the oldest trick in the book - the one where I don't sleep for a week and then go in to a fugue state and do all kinds of nutty actions which bring my deals to a head, for better or for worse. Then I fall asleep until my brain gets me in trouble once more.

I swear to heck, brain and body, you better get your contact information straightened out and stop yelling about things that are outside of your control, or I will pull this car over right now and give you both such a licking that you will suffer post-traumatic stress disorder every time you see someone with an ice-cream cone (or bar).




Oh also I am growing my mustache back for a little while.